


Impossible

by GrapeHead



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Universe, Denial of Feelings, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrapeHead/pseuds/GrapeHead
Summary: Saïx and Axel let the circumstances and the strain on their relationship get in the way of what they both want.





	Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> I set a challenge to my KHUX party, beat me by collecting more lux than I could for raid boss week and I'd write a drabbe. Two people managed to beat me. This is for Kat, the second person who managed to beat me.

Axel was in the lobby with Roxas and Xion, the three of them returning from who knew where. It wasn't uncommon for them to show up together, clearly spending time with one another after their missions. Saïx didn't understand, they had no hearts, why did they seek companionship? Why did they spend every afternoon together? Apparently Roxas just said something hilarious and had Axel and Xion doubled over in fits of laughter. It was foolish.

He was not jealous. He did not feel. He had no heart. Neither did they. It was nothing but a farce.

He remembered the days when they called themselves Lea and Isa, the days they had hearts and their laughter was true. Lea was a goofy kid and always dragged them into mischief. But he was genuine and he always cheered Isa up. Now, Axel could not be genuine with his new fake friendships, it just didn't make sense.

Roxas and Xion went ahead and Axel lingered. Saïx met his gaze, expression neutral. Axel saw nothing but coldness and distance in Saïx’s eyes. It hurt him to remember how they used to be. Isa was always there to listen to him and to support him. They were best friends, once. Axel had even wanted more back then, stolen moments in the evening where Isa gave him that smile, shared that inside joke. He still wanted _something_ , if he was being honest with himself.

Axel had friends now. Roxas and Xion were very important to him. He didn't enjoy the afternoons where he didn't get to spend time with them on that clock tower. The simple moments, just three friends sharing ice cream as they watched the sunset together. They cleared his head and gave him something to look forward to every day. He only wished there could have been a fourth person up there with them. It shouldn't matter to him who was there or not. According Xemnas, they had no hearts. That was the whole reason they were here, living in this castle of nowhere. So him actually _wanting_ something puzzled him. But he did not shy away from the mystery.

Axel didn't know what this was, supposedly he was not meant to have any emotions. Meant to or not, Roxas made him smile, Xion made him curious and Saïx made him _ache_. If only Saïx wasn't so stubborn about their lack of hearts, dismissing anyone who tried to question the curious emotions welling up inside them. He saw Saïx lecture Demyx for questioning it, or even just his offhand comments. He was not brave enough to speak up himself. If only he had back when they were younger. When their hearts were definitely there, without a single doubt.

But it was too late. Saïx either hated him or didn't care about him one way or another. What they had in the past was gone. Nevermind what could have been. Axel was just going to have to get over it, Saïx clearly had. He broke their gaze and kept walking, determined to meet up with Roxas and Xion and bury his hurt.

Saïx cleared _hadn't_. He didn't like that Axel hadn't said a word to him, nor did he like that he knew he was going to keep forgetting about him to go spend time with a puppet and the Organization’s prized tool. At least Roxas was worth something. He really didn't like that Axel also spent his time with _it_.

No, it didn't matter. He did not have a heart. Nothing mattered. He had no feelings clouding his judgment, making his glares sharper and his fingers curl into fists. He didn't bark harsh orders at the other members, he didn't save his most icy and cutting words for Roxas and Xion specifically. He didn't _care_.

He remembered those same evenings as Lea. He remembered wanting to reach out and take his best friend's hand in his, to start something new. Saïx admitted he had memories. What he did not admit was that they still mattered to him. That all these years later, he still wanted. Because he could not want. That was impossible.

He did not _want_ but he felt obligated to complete Kingdom Hearts. It did not matter to him, but with it complete, he would have his heart. Not that it made any difference at all, but with his heart, he could have his feelings. He could admit to himself that every time he locked his eyes with Axel, something was still there. But nothing was there right now. That would be ridiculous.

It was impossible right now. Axel knew it and Saïx knew it. What neither of them knew was the other wanted something just as much. Impossibilities be damned.


End file.
